Not Too Good
So here I am againg. In front of the PC. Am not feeling that good with a strain on my neck a runny nose. We have been fasting for 2 weeks now. My so called running regime is history. And my studying towards the exams is bland.
So, I am somewhat running away from the heavy task of preparing for the examination. This is sickness I have to overcome. I am right here feeling complacent that I will pass my Science paper and get a somewhat unpopular course in a polytechnic. I pray to Allah that that will be the worst scenario. I am feeling a little hyped up hearing that I have a shot at qualifying for a poly course. I called old friend Tan from Gloucester Camp about this going to poly. I want to go through poly, maybe get a job or get sponsored. Get that top 5% spot and get a degree. All this while, making friends, play soccer, get taekwando GOLD in Olympics, get a girlfriend, guide my younger siblings, get scholarships, start a business, play music.
Away from dream world to the real world. 3 years break. I am making a comeback.
Spending Frenzy
I wanted to fix the scooter badly. My pants are damp as usual after sitting on the soaked up seat. Then, my first instinct was to get a new cover for it. So heading to Sungei Road, the shop next to Ah Boy's. Turned out that my seat was too badly damaged. Then referred to the shop next door. The price quoted was $70. Hesitated.. money only $360 to last for unknown period... at least till I get a job and get paid. Then again there is Hari Raya(shameless) and the ERS the month after. So I haggled the price. Unsuccessful, I left.
So not even $5 cheaper.
Then I headed to Sim Lim. I bought 128MB ram, a mouse and a new video card and CD-Rs amounting to $150. Oops.. I thought to myself. Then headed to fix my sooter in Alexander Village. I belief, for a local shop, it has a good price. So I got new tyres for $28 each. Second hand seat for $20. Pretty good bargain..considering. New brake drums and such. The bike is still there. Already paid $137.
And so the story goes $287 gone just like that. The computer feels the same. The bike is not in sight. The story is such.
The Game Begins
Now that I have sat for my science paper, I am officially in the game. There is no looking back to sit through it. It feels less daunting but I still need to absorb whatever that I can. I need to revise science to get a good grade. I am thinking of making audio recordings to help me memorise social studies. Only about a week left hopefully, it is all that I need and more to pass my humanities. As for A. Maths, I would probably just read through. Maybe some freak luck can pull me through.
The Final Run
I feel that a burden will be lifted after going through my O levels this year. If nothing really terrible happen, I can expect a pass in Science. Humanities and A Maths, I just have to do my best. I still would have wanted to sit for the paper back in 1998. What it could have been. Enough of that...
Tomorrow is Science practical. Again, I could have prepared myself better for the paper but I guess, I expectation of just passing the paper is bringing myself down. I am doing the final run. I might study all night or could get the rest and study tomorrow morning. I feel screwed. I am just a little because of the unpreparedness. Then again, I want all of this to be over soon.
And the real question comes next. So what comes after this. There will be the antogonizing periof of awaiting for the results again. My chances of going to poly is already there, to a course I really like is pretty low. Then again, is that the direction that I am going.
I need to work. I would love to study.
I went for Tarawih prayers today. I want to make this Ramadhan the best ever. I shall doa more. I want to know the Quran. Everyday in the news, Islam is being viewed by the public as an extremist group. There is so much to done to erase this misconception. I belief learning the Quran will guide me in life. It will be so fulfilling. Right now, I still do not know what to really do with my life. It has been almost a year since I ORD. The one thing I am glad is that I am not completely wasting my time. I am taking the nitec course. It fills the thirst for a new kind of knowledge. Tuesday is a test day, drawing 2 manequins, full shading.
My exercise plan has been going on about 2 weeks. Still, I feel fat. My sedentary lifestyle is giving an adverse effect. Fasting has made me feel lethargic when it should not. I shall be more energetic. Do things. Anything. It can only help. I shall put a target weight for AidilFitri. I want to weigh 80kg or less.
System Upgrade
I ran a 5200 last evening. A slow but quite a milestone. I have reached this month's fitness objective. I will want to add strength training into the routine.
Also I got paid, barely. Assholes!! I am still unpaid $250++. I got $305. At least I can go about fixing the scooter. Let other bills wait. Hari Raya will help. So will January's ERS. I guess I shall salvage the rickety bike. Another 4 years of it. OR LESS.
I am pretty hyped up in the education department. It seems that passing only the Science paper will open me to several doors including Business IT in Ngee Ann. Though money is still an issue, I am putting all that aside and do my very best.I am on a lookout for job opportunities but not stressing myself too much with it. It is the wisest thing to do for now. Polytechinic can be really cool.
Ramadhan is going good.
I would also want to get speakers, a budget 5.1 type. RAM and video card.
Ramadhan
It is the holy month of Ramadhan again. An opportunity to be seized. To clean up my act. To clear my conscious. I have not been doing my best in preparing for my o levels. I want to be the richest guy in Singapore. With money, there is so many changes that I can bring about around me. Islam needs to be upheld. Who else but by muslims.
I will start with myself. Capital is needed. So I believe a regular $1000++ job is needed to save up. Maybe $6000, of 6 months work would suffice. After which I might go to a polytechnic if my grades are good enough. Then again the real measure of success is not necessarily be the formal education. Going private is a feasible choice.
Another aspect of my life that is going great is my consistency in working out. Together with the fasting month, I hope to create a miracle. "Hard work creates miracles. Hard work is a miracle. Just do it." This is a new mantra of mine.
Pressure... not breaking
As always it sucks being jobless. This in a time when bills are piling. Things are breaking down. The bike, the computer . The exams. I do not seem to be committed to it fully after having the private school backup plan. I challenge myself to pass 2 papers this time round.
I seem to be breaking. I will persevere. I am stronger than I think I am...
How it's gonna be
I am slugging it out for my exams. At least I try to. I just want to get this episode over and done with. I am expecting to pass my Science paper this time. With determination, grit and luck, really lots of luck I want to pass either my humanities or my A Maths paper. From last year's result I clearly undermined my own ability. With at least 2 passes for this time exam will secure me places in good courses in polytechnic and some other private institutions.
If not, private education is it. Then there is money to think of. Bills will pile up. I am still unpaid. I am also thinking of applying for Aetos. Fasting month is just around the week. I went running this evening. I want to lose weight. I want a job. I want to start a business. I want to get to know people. I want to feel worthy of this earth. I want my existence to be acknowledged. To be acknowledged positively. I want to do great on this planet. I want to make this planet a better place to live in. STRETCH THE COMFORT ZONE. Stand up for my belief. Don't let anyone push me around. I make my life. I want to make it good. How's It's Gonna Be?
Burning the Midnight Oil
Stretching the comfort zone and burning the midnight oil. Taking a break from it all and read that the X Prize has been claimed. $10 000 000 for the first commercially viable space flight. That is cool.
I want to straighten up my life. To strive for the best in the O levels. Hopefully, opportunities will come with good result. I started late but still in the game. I need to keep myself motivated and cruise my way to the finishing line. See beyond the horizon
Bad food makes you lethargic
Living in a world of limited time, people have always wanted the 25th hour. I, for one, need all the extra time to catch up with my peers. Eating the wrong food made me sluggish, sleeping the afternoon away. Fast food does that to me.
I still do not know what sort of energy would me stretch to the last minute like my sister Ainul Sariyah. But I know what to avoid. Fast food and oily stuffs.
